It’s Not Over When Cancer’s Over

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.Britta Aragon is a cancer survivor and the founder of Cinco Vidas, Inc. She wrote “When Cancer Hits: Your Complete Guide to Taking Care of YOU Through Treatment.”

I remember the day my doctor told me he couldn’t find cancer in my body. I’d been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease when I was 16, and went through surgery and chemotherapy.

I was scheduled to go through radiation as well, but after five months of losing my hair and suffering extra dry skin

and fatigue, tests showed the chemotherapy had done its job, and I didn’t have to go through radiation.

It’s Over, Right?

I didn’t have to go to chemotherapy treatments anymore. My hair started growing back (though more slowly than I would have liked). My energy gradually returned. But I felt guilty, because for me, cancer was anything but over.

Everyone expected me to be my “old self” again, or maybe to be bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm. After all, I had gone through cancer, and I had beaten it. I was healthy. No more cancer. Yea, Britta! I was expected to smile and laugh throughout the day. But I just couldn’t do it.

Nothing was the same for me, or would ever be the same. How was I supposed to go back to school and think about volleyball games, Friday nights out, homework, and boys? Cancer had changed me.

I looked different. I felt different. Why had this happened to me, I wondered? And what was I supposed to do now? Everywhere I turned, people expected me to be “normal.” My parents even lost patience with my melancholy. “It’s over,” they said. “Time to move on.”

But how was I supposed to do that? I felt lost.

Post Traumatic Stress and Depression

Years later, I learned that what I was going through back then was completely normal, although I wish I had known that at the time. I thought something was wrong with me, and I’ve since talked to many other survivors who felt the same way.

Fortunately, modern medicine is starting to recognize what many doctors and therapists are now calling “post traumatic stress and depression.”

Similar to victims of a violent crime, cancer survivors go through a difficult period after the treatments are over. Many of us feel depressed, or out of sorts. We struggle to make sense of what happened to us.

While we’re fighting the battle, taking our medications, wearing our wigs and puking up our guts, we have little time to reflect. When it’s all over, however, we have to process the experience, and unfortunately, only few of us allow ourselves the time and space to do so.

Get All the Help You Can

Make no mistake, cancer changes us. It changes our entire world, and our sense of ourselves. We often feel out of control, and have no idea how to reestablish a sense of mastery over our days.

We have all these feelings: anger, resentment, confusion, fear, anxiety, sadness that we don’t know what to do with. Many of us find our bodies permanently changed, and we suffer grief over our losses. Meanwhile we don’t even know where to begin with our emotions.

I never attended a support group, linked up with other survivors, or talked to a therapist. Today, I encourage survivors to do all these things and more. If you don’t, you might end up finding unhealthy ways of coping. For me, it was food. I realized I could control what I ate, so I quickly fell into an eating disorder that took me another several years to conquer.

It’s much better to get the help you need as soon as you can. Following are several tips for how to cope with cancer once it’s over, for it’s not really over until you can process the experience, move through your feelings about it, and become the new person you’re meant to be.

• See a counselor or psychiatrist. Make sure the individual specializes in cancer survivors. Many medical centers and cancer centers offer survivor programs for free or at a reduced rate.
• Attend a survivors support group. Many cancer centers can give you access to area groups. Be willing to listen and share. People who’ve traveled the same road will be more likely to understand where you’re coming from.
• Consider an online support group. Though I believe that an in-person support group is paramount, an online support group can also offer assistance and a place to share feelings, particularly if you feel like ranting at 3:00 in the morning. Try Planet Cancer and Cancer Compass, among others.
• Get your feelings out. Many survivors journal or blog to make sense of their experience. You may want to try art or music therapy, long walks, talks with a good friend, or time away.
• Read the good books. Picking up the Pieces is a very helpful book for the new cancer survivor. I’ve also written a book that talks about all facets of the cancer experience, called When Cancer Hits.
• Realize it takes time. You’re not going to be able to process your experience in a week. Be patient with yourself. When the feelings come up, try to deal with them in a healthy way, and be proactive about your own self-care. Your family, friends, and colleagues might not understand, so take it upon yourself to get the help you need.